New Year, Same Me, Different Attitude

It's 2019 and I'm feelin' like it's taking me FOREVER to get my ish together! I don't know if it's because the last part of 2018 was just crazy busy or if I was just being super lazy but I really did not want the year to end. We spent some time with family and did a little bit of traveling (not far, just up to my mother-in-law's house near Lake Tahoe) and I was busy trying to live in the moment that I didn't really take the time to reflect and make goals for the new year. Once we were back in town, I decided to just sit back and relax and really take this time to think about all that happened in 2018.

Here's a recap of my 2018...

I rang in the new year as a newly mama of 2. Everly and I were fresh out of the newborn haze and was starting to establish some sort of normalcy. I was mentally preparing myself to go back to work at the beginning of March which meant I needed to get my babies on some sort of schedule to make it easier for the baby-sitter. But all that came to a screeching halt when I got a call from my District Boss informing me that my position was being eliminated, effective at the start of the new fiscal year in February. So instead of returning to work, I became a SAHM. Then at the end of Summer, Daniel and I made the decision to move once our lease was up at the end November, so that meant looking for a new place to call home. After a lot of searching we weren't successful in finding the right place and since we did not want to renew our lease for another year, we moved out of our apartment and in with family while we continue searching for our new (preferably permanent) home. And then, of course, the holidays hit and lots of celebrating and adventures happened... and now here we are.

New Year's Resolutions aren't my thing. Regular goals, yes. But the tradition of making resolutions and starting them on the 1st of January just doesn't sit right with me. I always feel like resolutions are goals that aren't meant to be taken seriously since a lot of people who jump on that bandwagon fall off so quickly.

So what exactly do I want to accomplish in 2019? Good freakin' question (I mean, besides finding our permanent home... and win the lottery). When I first sat down to really think about this, my mind just drew a blank. Like I couldn't really pinpoint any one thing that I wanted to focus on this year. I almost just said "screw it... ima just wing it like I do everything else." But over time, and after having a lot of conversations with my people in real life as well as my friends on social media (yes they are REAL friends, too... I just haven't met them in person), I realized that the one thing I truly wanted to work on is ME. Self-care, self-love... ALL. OF. IT. I want to make sure I take the time to be mentally + physically healthy so I can be the best mom, wife, and friend for my people!

For the past 3 1/2 years since becoming a mother, I have given soooo much of myself - to my kids, to my husband, to my job - that I never really took the time to care for myself. This is not to say that I was unhappy for these past few years, because that is definitely not the case. I am extremely happy. But I realized that I put sooo much of my growth as Jane "the person" on hold while I let Jane "the mom + wife" thrive. Some will say you can't have one without the other but I don't believe that. So many changes comes with becoming a mother. And I've had to learn and adjust with that new norm. And I learned early on that I am no longer the Jane "before kids" and can never become that woman again because duh, I have kids now. If that makes any sense. But so much time and effort goes into taking care of our tiny humans that we go into survival mode and do the bare minimum of doing things for ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of moms out there who have found their groove and that balance and I applaud them for doing a great job at it because I know it's hard to do! And this is what I'd like to really work on this year for me.

So what's my goal this year? To get back into the gym. Seriously. And not just for the physical benefits! Working out helps clear my mind and seriously does make me happy - mind, body + soul. Yes I am fully aware that it's going to take a lot of work for me to get back into the swing of things since I haven't been in so long. But the occasional spa pedicure or solo retail therapy or girls night out is just not enough for me to be the best mom/wife I can be.

Prior to babies, my thing was working out and being fit. I was a gym rat. I loved doing physical activities outdoors. I worked out at the gym up until I had Ella in June 2015. But once I had her, going to the gym was not an option because my husband and I had crazy schedules and we didn't have the luxury of having someone readily available to watch Ella so I could go to the gym. Daniel was a stay-at-home dad during the day while I worked and then I'd come home from work and take over mommy duties while he went to school at night for his Masters degree. My job was 42 miles away from home with a schedule of 6am-3pm Monday-Friday. Because of traffic in California, that meant I needed to be up at 4am, on the road by 5am. Then at the end of my day I'd have to hurry out the door at 3pm to sit in traffic for almost 2 hours to be home by 5pm so that Daniel could make it to class on time. And then get Ella and I both fed and ready for bed AND get my lunch together for the next day by 9pm so I could at least get a decent amount of sleep before the next day. Because I didn't get to spend a lot of time with her during the week, I made sure to spend as much time with her as possible on the weekends. Going to the gym was not in the cards for me at the time and I was fine with it. Once Everly came into the picture and I became a SAHM, I thought maybe I could finally get back into the gym. Yeah, wishful thinking. Daniel's job sometimes has him working nights and weekends (not all the time but it's still a lot) so again, gym time was put on hold. I tried the whole 'working out at home' thing and that would last for a few weeks at a time but I could never be consistent because Everly was a super demanding and clingy baby so it was easy for me to give up. So again, I put that on hold again. The one workout that was consistent for me was having regular mom walk dates with a good mom-friend of mine - which I plan to continue doing!

Now that Everly is becoming more independent and less clingy AND I'm not sleep-deprived or as tired as I was a year ago, I feel like this is the perfect time to get my groove back. And to finally work on ME. Because I deserve it.

And the world will be a better place because of it lol - one less grumpy woman in this world. Ok, that was meant to be a joke. But for real tho! I'm determined to make this happen. I'm determined to look and FEEL my best (I feel a self-love POST coming in the future) in 2019.

I feel like I've been rambling on for hours! Tell me what are your goals/resolutions for 2019? Share in the comments below!!!

Tags: #newyearsresolutions #goals #2019ismyyear #selfcare #selflove #postpartum #happynewyear